Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
