just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
