I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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