I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
