If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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