Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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