So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
