Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
