i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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