i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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