You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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