We're like a lot better than the average bears
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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