1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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