Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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