I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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