just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize