Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
