Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize