oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
