Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
