I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
