My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
