you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
