Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
