"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
3 2 1 whiskey
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
