when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions