Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM