I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.