he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?