how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall