I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
