R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
