Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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