Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
