Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
