a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
