I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
