Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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