but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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