How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize