My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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