Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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