Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
