And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
