Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
