somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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