Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
