I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
