You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
