listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your cock deserves a montage
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
