Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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