He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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