She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
