That's when you crack a 10am beer
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I will be naked everywhere
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
