I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
