In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
