Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
