from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my being single is dangerous.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
