Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
