pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
