"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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