we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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