I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
