I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
