I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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