Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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