He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
